• Question: how does the people feeling hurt for a relative/friend with dementia effect the person with dementia

    Asked by anon-188260 to Pizza Ka Yee, Paul, Nadine, Alex on 15 Nov 2018.
    • Photo: Alex Reid

      Alex Reid answered on 15 Nov 2018: last edited 15 Nov 2018 4:54 pm

      Hi Iona, great question. I think you might have asked us this twice! I have copied my answer to both questions for you. Dementia can be caused by a number of things but the results are often similar: the slow deterioration of a loved one, their memories and everything that makes them ‘them’ fades away. It can be very difficult to see a close relative forget who you are if you are their friend, child or partner. On top of this dementia is also sometimes accompanied by mood swings and depression in the patient which makes the poor person with it suffer and difficult to manage. If this all wasn’t bad enough towards the end they will also need a lot of care. This takes a huge amount of energy and sacrifice on the part of the relative or carer of the afflicted. It can also be financially expensive if a lot of care is needed, so that can be a huge drain too. Dementia, and diseases that cause it such as Alzheimer’s, are a blight on humanity and no one deserves it (the patient nor the relative).

    • Photo: Nadine Mirza

      Nadine Mirza answered on 16 Nov 2018:

      Another great question Iona. I think this is very dependent on how bad the dementia of the person is. For example, if it is quite severe and has impaired memory or language and comprehension abilities it is possible the person may not even notice what their relative or friend is going through. This isn’t their fault- their brain simply can’t process the information anymore.
      For those who have minor to moderate dementia and can still function well and comprehend their surroundings, they feel a whole range of things. In interviews I’ve done people with dementia have said that seeing their friends and family go through what they do can make them feel really guilty and depressed.
      At the same time, some end up feeling angry and frustrated because they feel that they’re the ones who actually have to live with the dementia so why is everyone else more upset than them.
      Often, people are just trying to console one another and trying to promote acting independently and functioning independently as long as is possible.

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